i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize