my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
