My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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