And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize