Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
