This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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