he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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