I'm so fucking centered right now
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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