just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
