i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
