please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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