Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm always down for nudity.
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