She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Randomize
