Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
