It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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