Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you inspire me to be a worse person
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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