The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
