Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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