I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
