She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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