It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
