playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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