She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize