Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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