So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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