I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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