Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
