I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
