I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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