Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
