He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
