I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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