shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
