Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
