his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
either way he was missing a nipple.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
