the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
