haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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