Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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