It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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