i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
