I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
