Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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