I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize