You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
