so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
