he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
