you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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