I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
