I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
