Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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