The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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