My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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