I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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