I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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