Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
