he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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