How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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