you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
