D3 body, D1 cock
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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