I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
