you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
