It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
