Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
