Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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