i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
