but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
