You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
