I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
