i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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