Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
