...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
