oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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