I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
