There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
