I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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